| Oh so... |
[07 Oct 2006|04:58pm] |
I can't win.
No matter what.
I can't win.
Always something.
Always never good enough.
Always never winning.
|
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| Bi-Polar |
[26 Aug 2006|05:03pm] |
There is something seriously wrong with me lately.
Everyday in the afternoon I get very depressed.
My heart beats so fast and my hands get clammy.
I feel like I am really dropping down to a dark cold place
and I am trying to claw my way out.
It's a real fight. I don't want to feel this
desperate. Like the From First to Last song, he says:
"I feel so close, and yet I am so far."
`*~._|`*~._|`*~._|`*~._|`*~._|`*~._
I had to go to a company picnic today.
My dad went, too, because he works there.
He stayed for less than an hour. He ate and ran.
We were less fortunate. By we, I refer to Nathanael,
Justin, Alycia, Avery, and myself. They played kickball and I
sat around all these people I don't know, don't like, don't
want to be a part of.
BACKSTABBERS,
LIARS.
When we finally left, it started to rain. It was beautiful.
Perfect, as rain always is. I am so in love with rain on
my windshield. I think I could waste my life away just
sitting in the car in the rain. Perfection.
I dropped Nathanael and Justin off, took the kids with me.
Told them to go in the house, I'd be there in a minute.
I wanted to liste to FF2L. They are amazingly great for my
life right now. I went inside, got the kids, and we played
in the rain for a while. We had a lot of fun.
And I'm hungry now. So are they. I wanted to take all of us
out to dinner. I called Nathanael about something and he told
me that he and Justin just ate. Maybe I shouldn't be upset, but
I totally am. He could've called.
My broken wings can't fly.
|
|
| Runaway 2 |
[06 Aug 2006|08:45am] |
Pendulo studios has me dying in wait for the new Runaway. Yes, it's PC based. But,
it (along with Monkey Island series) is the best point and click adventure game
EVER. It comes out next month and the graphics are as lovely as ever. I am
just way too excited about this. If you've never played Runaway or Monkey Island,
you are so missing out. Runaway 2 takes place on an island, too. It's gonna be way
too much for me to handle. The first one was so hard I had to have help at times
with a walkthrough. And that is so cheating. But it's good stuff to see how the
story unfolds and to use the things you have with you to make other things work.
It's like being MacGyver. Or Indiana Jones. Or Lara Croft. Hot!
|
|
| Argh |
[03 Aug 2006|08:23am] |
OMG. It's only Thursday. I've been scrounging things to wear since Tuesday!
I seriously needs some clothes. It's one thing to work at BAM and be able
to wear anything except jeans. I have plenty of casual stuff. But this semi
professional look is killing me! I love wearing them though, hehe.
Anywho, I had my second aerobics class yesterday and I'm DYING I tell you.
DYING. My whole body is like, NO. I am NOT getting up at six in the morning.
You can just kiss my @55. So, I made it get up anyway.
Well, I gotta go to work in five minutes because they extended my hours this
week. Lamo. But at least I get paid! :D Do I miss LJ? I don't know. I don't
make too many blog posts on MySpace. I just talk to people. :.
|
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| Sparkles |
[13 Jul 2006|02:00pm] |
I'm like a monkey and I wanted to make my own "sparkle tags".
I just want to see what it looks like online. :)
|
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| It's a Crime |
[11 Jul 2006|08:24am] |
I've been committing the ultimate sin for some time now. I
broke it for a while, but I can't resist anymore. I know I
like my coffee with liquid non-dairy creamer. It's uber good.
Things have been really off kilter lately. Nathanael got
laid-off. His boss... well, I want to stab him. I think he's
a liar and a user. And that's probably how he got so rich.
My mom wants to get a pool. In-ground. I can't wait. Is it
time yet? She's almost certain that's what she'll do because
she was telling someone she wasn't going to get the fence
put up until they did the pool, otherwise they wouldn't be
able to get back there. Ha! I can't wait. I don't know why.
I don't have any friends who'd come over and swim. Phan and
I are the only folks. But if I did have friends, I'd do a
cookout/swim thing. And everyone there would be obligated a
task that they could delve themselves into in case they felt
awkward or uncomfortable. "Flip the burgers!"
Well, yeah. Not much new to report. Got back from GA on Sunday.
We went to a TINY waterpark in Statesboro called Splash
in the Boro. Tiny, I tell you. Some creep followed us around.
I'm not even kidding. We all got in the lazy river first to
get wet and used to the water. He was floating with us the whole
time. From then on out, everywhere we went, there he was. Even
in the kiddie area! What a freak. I should've karate chopped
him. When we were in line for some ice-cream, I was ready to
lose it and just beat the crap out of him for following us.
I taught my littlest neice (4) to say, "Impending doom!" and
she says 'pending doom' which makes it even more cute. So
every time we came near a waterfall in the lazy river, she
would holler, "PENDING DOOOOOM!" She was really cute this
weekend. She told us (because she has always preferred cats
over dogs) that she was going to pinch my aunt's dog in the
nose and be nice to the cat. She hardly stayed away from the
dog! My sister said, "I thought you were going to pinch him
in the nose." And little miss looked up and shrugged and said,
"I was sooooo wrong." She's a drama queen. Too many soap operas.
Sorry for the multiple spelling errors, it's 8:36 a.m. and I
don't WANNA spell anything correctly or make any adjustments.
|
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| Beautiful! |
[03 Jul 2006|08:43am] |
Well, had to cut it short last time, which was probably
a good thing. I can't even remember all that I had to say.
Yesterday, my mom was telling me she was sorry that she
didn't do anything for my birthday. She didn't get me a
card (which she always does) and normally does WAY too
much for me. And my dad (lately) has been giving me money.
He got me the DS and New Super Mario Bros. But he also
gave me a great deal of money to have in the bank for
application fees and deposits on the house we get.
Anywho, my mom said that she was sure she got me something
and hid it but she does that all the time so she didn't
know if she actually did. But later she remembered when
my sister was saying I should take these martini glasses
I have that have this cool red bubble in the stem and put
some rocks or something in it and put some orange or
yellow candles in them to go with the orange, yellow, and
red fade she wants me to have on the wall with a sillhouette
of giraffes (my favorite animal) and ?petrified?/dead
looking trees. My mom then remembered what she got and
hid. She got me this amazing wall sconce thing you can
hang or set down that is made of black wraught iron and
has this tempered glass that is red on the edges and fades
to yellow. The black part is the sillhouette of 2
giraffes and a tree and it's really awesome. I put an
orange candle in the back, I'll really have to take a
picture for you to see because I'm terrible at describing
and if you read all this you have a lot more patience than
I do! lol :D
Tania was down (we picked her up) Saturday evening. My
parents got her this Hitachi drill and I picked out some
magnetized drill bits for her and I got Hitachi because
the case that holds them matches the drill. She doesn't
seem to think that coordinating the drill and the drill
bits is as important as I do. Hehe, but that's okay. I
want a pink drill. That would be so awesome. I might have
to settle with aqua because Miketa is aqua. But I'll keep
my eyes open for pink. It makes me giggle, I'm such a pansy.
After that, we went to the Dollar Tree and I got some hair
clips and a brush because my mom likes mine so much I told
her she could get me a new one and she could have mine
which is almost brand new. She even got it for me! I love
the new one. Anyway, I also got this ceramic jar for my
earrings and you wouldn't believe how amazing it is for
only a dollar! It's black and has these gold fish and the
whole thing has an Asian motif. So, I got the rock to
match. It's beautiful, too. So, I'll have to take pics of
these, too because I am so bad at descriptions.
It occured to me for a moment yesterday that we don't
really have any place of our own or a way to get away. I
haven't felt like I've needed to. But what if I do? I
guess I'll just have to tough it out.
The first time I played brain age, I got 59! That is
really bad. 20 is the best you can get. The next time
I got 41. That's a big drop. Then, today, I got a 30!
I am only 10 years older than I should be! That is so
amazing! I am so impressed with myself. My dad got 80.
I want him to do his again so he gets a better idea
of how old his brain really is. I think he just
didn't understand exactly what he was supposed to be doing.
Anyway, I have been "talking" wayyyyyyy too much. :(
|
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| So much to say... |
[01 Jul 2006|08:52am] |
So little time!
I don't have a lot of time to write but I have plenty to say!
I got a DS for my birthday and New Super Mario Brothers and
Brain Age, both games I really really wanted! And of course
Karaoke Revolution Country. This makes my collection complete.
Except that Elise has my Karaoke Revolution 1, 2, and 3. And
I don't have Karaoke Revolution Party? or whatever it is.
Anyway, the search is still on for the house. All of our stuff
is scattered between my mom's and my dad's (and our vehicles).
We looked at a house yesterday that was stunningly beautiful
though it needed some work, mostly a paint job. 1700 sq. ft. of
LIVING area! Don't tattle, but I really want an apartment. I
just like Concord Mgmt. apartments. But I worry because they
charge a LOT for application fees and if we are denied, that's
$150 dollars down the drain. Well, I have to go and I'm not done
talking.
|
|
| What the hell? |
[19 Jun 2006|02:47pm] |
Today pretty much sucks. Nathanael and I had to get up at 5 o'clock this
morning to go to Daytona to take my sister by her residence and to work
in Ormond. I could not sleep last night, which is nothing new.
When I finally did fall asleep, I woke up some time later and went
through the whole process again.
Then I get up expecting to have a delicious cup of coffee, but my sister
poured milk in it and I was so tired I didn't want to get up and pour some
black coffee in a different cup. So, I didn't get coffee. Then I smoked a
cigarette too early and ew, I hate that. I have to be up awhile before I
can go around smoking.
Once we were NE of Deltona, there were dead animals all over the road.
Everywhere. Seriously. Nathanael will vouch for this. I realized on I-4
that my gas light was on. And there's no gas stations until you get deep
into Deltona or drive around in circles for the New Smyrna exit. So, I
just go to my mom's. Then pick up Alycia's report card (B avg. by the way).
When we're finally home, Nathanael calls Roy's cell and work and we can't
get ahold of him. The cat is meowing. The dog is whining. The boy is
talking. The TV is on. I'm tired.
At 12:45, I decide I want to take a 45 minute nap. I don't actually get
in the bed until 1 because I tend to dilly dally. So, I have the alarm
set for 1:45. I am relaxing but can't fall asleep (not news anymore).
Boy is gone with his go cart thing and I should have no trouble. But
as soon as my eyes feel like YES! We're going to sleep now, my cell
phone rings. I hope it's Nathanael updating me on his first official
day of his new job. But it's his mom. Normally I ignore it but I'm feeling
pretty nice today. I answer and she tells me to hang on then that she'll
call back. So we hang up, I close my eyes and the phone rings. It's her
again. She wants me to help her because the Boy's go cart quit in the
power lines and she doesn't know the way. She'll be home in about 25
minutes and I figure I'll get some shut eye then.
I close my eyes and I try to sleep, but again, I can't. I lay there
for awhile and finally my eyes feel droopy/sleepy again and I'm almost
there. The phone rings. It's Her again. I answer. She has to tell me
about how someone was holding up traffic. *Sigh* I'm not getting any
sleep so I get up. I put the iron and ironing board away. Glad it's
cool so I don't burn down the house.
I call Winn Dixie for some customer support and Cingular drops my call.
I decide to contact Cingular, finally, but I can't, it won't work.
I try to call Roy back, but there's no answer. I'm stressed and tired.
Now there are four kids here screaming, the TV is on, the cat is still
meowing (she's in heat or something because she's going nuts), the dog
is still whining, and the TV is on.
|
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| The Sky is Open |
[12 Jun 2006|10:25pm] |
WE GOT IT!!!
I got a call at 3:30 from our new landlord with a notice of approval.
I sent my mom an email and she said YAHOOOOOOOO!! “We” can start
shopping for house stuff!!! Fun fun fun!! :) We might even let Nate
pick out some stuff, what say, huh? :)
I am too excited about the whole shopping thing. I can hardly wait.
I want to go right now. Fortunately I'm broke and tired so I
won't be making any rash decisions today. Finally going to shop for
the things I've been wanting to shop for. And Nathanael is willing
to let me pick out whatever. I'm not going to tell about all the
ideas I have in my head. I am going to surprise him unless he comes
along, then I obviously can't keep it a secret...
The next step is Rob. So, I reckon I'll be making a drive to the O.C.
tomorrow. If that fails, well, I always have other doors to open.
Nathanael had a job interview today and they want him to start next
week. He's waiting to hear from his current employer to see if they
are doing well. If that goes good, he won't take this job. Not to
mention he has some prospects for another (more administrative) job
with web development at which he'd have his own secretary. I think
naughty thoughts. LOL (The movie that is, and not him with a secretary.)
|
|
| Okay, Hold Your Breath! |
[11 Jun 2006|11:10pm] |
Yesterday we went to a house for rent. It's darling. Pink and white outside.
They're putting carpet in this week, so I don't know what color it's going
to be, but I sure hope it's not emerald green. I could live with bright pink
but just not emerald green. You have to be elegant to have such green carpet.
Anyway, we find out tomorrow if we get it. I am excited and nervous. I just
want to know so it can be done and over with and we'll know if we have a place
to go! We saved up over $113 in change the past few months. So, we are going
to go get some delicious dishes I really like. They have reddish pink, blue,
green, and orange. I want the orange ones. Orange is supposed to make you happy.
Plus it's light enough to see if you have food stuck on the plate and dark enough
to hide imperfections. And they're all around cheerful and playful. Positive.
Aren't they nice and bright? Yeah. I like 'em.
I'm reading Memoirs of a Geisha. Phanelli and I watched the movie a while
back when it first came out on DVD. It was good, but the book, WOW. It's so
good. I am really enjoying it. Well, gonna go back and finish watching In
Her Shoes. Good night!!! :)
|
|
| Apartment 2 |
[09 Jun 2006|09:00am] |
We drove around looking at other apartments and duplexes yesterday.
We found this one in Orange City for $500 a month. It's SO cute.
Not just quaint. It's a lot nicer looking than the ugly one in Lake
Helen. By ugly, I'm referring to the house, not the apartment inside.
Anyway, I was so caught up that I didn't take a picture. Silly me.
But gonna call today and find out a little more about it. Maybe
we can set up an appointment to look. :)
It's my mom's birthday today. I don't have anything for her because
I don't have any money. BUT... I'm going to call that place and see
if they have my paycheck and spend it all on her and maybe a little
gas because Dwayne has Nathanael's truck and I need to put gas in it
anyway. I still have that $10 for gas Bonnye gave me a month ago. I
have seriously neglected getting gas, but Phan's been my chauffeur.
I was thinking today about how different each of my family members
are. The ones' that weren't married in have many similarities to
Granny Banks. I miss her. She was a good person through and through.
I sure wish I was more like her. <3 x INFINITY Thanks Ollie!!
|
|
| A Fungus Among Us... |
[08 Jun 2006|02:02am] |
Nathanael and I got up and went to his doctor's appointment this morning.
Then, we went to Sonic and got a bacon egg and cheese burrito. It wasn't
nearly as good as his breakfast burritos.
We packed a couple more boxes because HEY! We're moving soon. Yay.
We ended up with a six o'clock appointment to view the cheap apartment.
We knew it wouldn't be a place for the gods', but we weren't prepared
for this level of "hmm, this isn't worth that much..."
Of course, it's a historic house in a historic neighborhood sectioned
off into 4 apartments. Ours would be the biggest. Which isn't saying
too much. Trust me on this one. The master bedroom is the size of our
bedroom now but with less windows and direct access the the potty.
Here's a pic to give you an idea of how old the house is. It's quaint
though. All the windows you see, plus several more, would be ours! It
also has hardwood floors. All of this goes with the quaint look of it.
Whoever lives in it now wasn't given much time to prepare as he was
out of town. So, when we got there, he pulled up after us and went
upstairs to clean up. He came out with a full bag of trash. When we
went in, there was crap EVERYWHERE. If there was a kitchen counter,
you sure couldn't tell it!
So, we are touring the apartment and it's got archways and it really
is very cute (except for the nastiness of the present tenant). My
favorite is the "Bright Room" which I so lovingly named because it is
the room with all the windows in the front. It's darling. I'd much
rather have that as a bedroom than the tiny little thing with no
windows that is the bedroom.
Speaking of which, when we "toured" the bedroom, we were quite taken
back by the posters on the wall. One was Carmen Electra showing just
about everything, some other blonde girl showing just about everything,
and one smaller poster of a girl spread wide with her hand between
her legs definitely showing everything. Whoah. Nice dude. You've got
company (from people who don't hang porn on the walls).
Here's my VERY inaccurate layout of the house, there are some closets
in there somewhere and some extra storage or something, but I don't
remember it too clearly (though I do remember the spread wide open
girl quite clearly).
This view is from the back, the opposite of the picture. I would
not call Nathanael and I prude, but we come from families with a
little more class than trashy apartments, so we're a little let down
but trying to keep our heads high. We have another place to call
tomorrow (technically today). It's a 3 bedroom house for the same
price as this 1 or 2 bedroom apartment. And it's a HOUSE.
|
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| apenas en hora de ser demasiado atrasado |
[03 Jun 2006|05:16pm] |
MI VIDA LOCA
I made a video of the kittens walking around. Nathanael couldn't
upload it because the file size was too big (110mb). He has to
have a prog to do it. Eventually it will be up. Hopefully I can
remove the sound.
My mom and dad took a shower together while Nathanael and I were
at her house. I knocked on the bedroom door just before they got
in the shower and told them to keep it down in there. lol
I am so out of it because I slept till almost 1:30 this afternoon.
Last night we went to the hospital because Nathanael's best friend
and his girlfriend had their baby. This girlfriend is way better
than his last one. I like her a lot so far. She tells it like it is.
They had a girl 201/4", 7lb. 2oz. and a full head of hair.
They named her Hailey Elizabeth.
Time to smoke a cigarette and get back to my cross-stitch!
|
|
| Feel the Wrath... |
[29 May 2006|11:30pm] |
I painted my nails metallic Barbie pink. I like it. It goes really well
with my skin-tone. I shaved my legs (ooh ahh). I scrubbed my hair squeaky
clean and conditioned it (but not deep condition because I do that every
Wednesday). I feel so clean and good. Except I have a really weird stomach
ache. I've had it since I was at my mom's and ate ribs, potato salad, and
baked beans. I wasn't even through eating it before I felt pains. "??"
But anyway, I got some earrings to go with my hair. Not like they match
but I plan on doing a 50's hairdo and blonde bombshell makeup. The problem
is what clothes to wear with it. I don't have anything at all. I really
need some clothes but I guess I ought to get a job before thinking about
that. :( Ugh, stomach ache, GO AWAY, come again some other day!!!!!!!
Nathanael and I watched the movie U-Turn the other day. It was really odd
but I liked it. I like the dry desert-ness to it. I love the desert, not
that I've ever been there. But someday... 2008 maybe? Or perhaps sooner.
Depends on money (like everything else). Good night y'all!
|
|
| If Your Ship Doesn't Come In... |
[23 May 2006|09:56pm] |
(And it hasn't) ... swim out to it.
Well, Nathanael and I are never going to have a house. I'm for real. We just
don't have any money. This is all pretending I am making money. If I wasn't
such a little lazy chucha, I'd be done with school already and I'd be kicking
ass at some decent job. But noooooooo. I have to screw around and mess every-
thing up. I'm telling you, growing up is a PITA. Not that I ever want to go
back to being young again. My mom says Phanelli and I need to find a hizzay
that is very inexpensive monthly, one or two br and save some dinero to buy
a house and develop ourselves some more.
So, I'm gonna put on my bathing suit tomorrow and swim out to my ship. Put
on your sunglasses cuz this ain't gonna be pretty.
|
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